Chuck Lin

Life in a fish bowl

Welcome to my world

Last night I read someone’s anonymous blog.

I tried to piece together this woman’s life. The only thing I know for sure is that the last entry was in May of 2007. What happened to her? Her last entry was full of misery. I hoped that she got the help she needed, but what happened that so abruptly ended her journal?

Why do I write? Unlike the mystery writer, I don’t attempt to veil my identity. This blog is a challenge for myself to push the envelope of honesty. Can I be honest with my thoughts in public? Do I truly have nothing to hide? Can I live with my actions and not be ashamed of the things I say and do?

Sitting here in the dark I feel as if my only audience is this computer. The cursor blinks and wait for the words to appear. Occasionally I go back and fix a typo, or a grammar mistake. But mostly I let them go. The mistakes are just as important. They are me, I am them. I know that a few friends and family will read this and of course there are the occasional strangers that happen upon my blog just as I do theirs. And that’s fine by me.

I write these memories down because I lost my journal last year. I’m trying to recreate the journal with all that I can remember, blurring the lines between fact and perspective. I’m also writing these thoughts as a way to honor the people who have enriched my life and to remind myself to thank them for being a part of my story.

Last night I was a voyeur. I accompanied this mystery writer from June 2006 to May 2007. I was the Ghost of Christmas Past. I could see how much pain she was in, and how she was responsible for much of it. She pushed away her friends until she was alone, seeking the comfort from strangers on the internet.

I hope she abandoned her blog because she no longer had need for it. Maybe she removed her shackles and decided to live again. Good luck to you Micki.