In a week I’ll be 39 and I’ve finally learned about disappointment. It’s not that people haven’t disappointed me in the past. Some have. And as I write this I feel tremendous disappointment but not towards someone else but disappointment in myself because I’ve allowed someone else to cause this feeling.

There is a knot in my stomach and although I’m incredibly tired, I cannot sleep. I know this is bad for my delicate health, yet I cannot control this feeling.

My logical mind screams, “Save yourself! Let go!”

But disappointment is like a climbing buddy. He hangs below me, dragging me down. But I cannot cut the rope. I would be free of him, I would be saved, but I don’t know how to cut him loose.

You can only be disappointed, if you allow yourself to rely on someone. It can be reliance on someone to come through in a pinch, or just for the belief that someone is there, thinking of you.

It would be very difficult to go through life thinking that no one cares. And it would be impossible to go through life thinking that everyone does. And as much as I try to be there for all my friends, the disappointment that I feel when my friends aren’t there for me is irrational. I cannot control the actions of others, and I cannot expect of them what I expect of myself.

So I’ll do it. I’ll cut the rope and save myself. I shall free myself of my own disappointment. It is solely mine as I am the cause. It is all within me.

Goodbye climbing buddy. I will miss you.


Today I thank:

Jack, Scott, Cheryl, Russ, Gina, Andy

Why doesn’t Teller speak?

He does. I’ve heard it.
I went to the Penn & Teller show at the Rio on Sunday, Apr 24th. Forget those big productions with large African mammals and performers with European accents, this is the magic show to see when you are in Las Vegas.

Teller is a soft spoken, affable guy. He patiently took photos with all the fans and signed the programs. Before the show I picked up a clear Starbucks cup. When I presented it for him to sign, he smiled when he recognized that I am a big fan of the Penn & Teller version of the cups and balls trick.

This classic trick is simple to do, but it takes years to master. And the P&T version of this trick turns it on its ears. They used a clear plastic cup and showed how complex yet effortlessly they performed this trick. This trick symbolizes everything about Penn & Teller. Their brand of magic is not about producing a miracle. They are entertainers. Sometimes part of the entertainment is to let the audience in on the secret.

The show ticket had a coupon which was redeemable for a 30 page glossy guide written by Penn and Teller. It briefly chronicled the history of P&T and of the partners from the other’s perspective. There was also an article in which Teller wrote that one day he will be looking at the stage for the last time. But not tomorrow.

Teller does speak, and when he does, he will blow your socks off.


Today I Thank:

Penn & Teller, TJ, Sylvia, LB