Johnny Carson

Carson taught me the science of being funny.

1) Let your audience arrive at the joke. Don’t force it. Don’t signal it. Just deadpan at the camera and be patient.

 

2) This one is a combination of Buddy Hackett and Carson

Buddy: Ask me about the secret to comedy

Carson: OK. Whats the secret to come-

Buddy interrupts: Timing!

 

3) You see what I did? Ok, that line is from Billy Crystal. But I first learn of the theory from Johnny Carson. He was the king of leading you one direction and going another.

 

I watched “Johnny Carson: King of Late Night” on Netflix tonight. What a privilege it was to have had the pleasure to watch his show. It was my favorite as a child even when I didn’t get half the jokes.

 

I also learn from all of his characters and costumes that poking fun of someone is funny for everyone else, but poking fun of yourself is funny to everyone.

 

chihuahua

Give thanks to your toilet

You know what’s great? Your toilet.

When you piss all over it, it doesn’t piss back.

When you shit on it, it happily takes your crap.

When you have a bad night, you hug your toilet, enjoy the cool ceramic base and when your stomach fills with bile, you throw up all over it.

Then you flush the toilet and its clean, sparkly and ready to serve you again.

Once in a while, you do something bad to the toilet. Its not the toilet’s fault. But there you are, cursing at the toilet as if it had something to do with the problem.

You take a plunger and stab the toilet while trying to avoid the brown water. Your brown water.

Don’t be angry at the toilet when it backs up. Look at the toilet’s neighbor, the mirror. The person in the mirror is the one to blame. The toilet will be there for you. Until you break it.

 

 

Its like riding a bicycle

Joyce Shing ( http://www.joyceshing.com ) asked me recently “Why don’t you write anymore? You’re a good writer.”

Hmm…. why don’t I write anymore? I’m not really sure. Maybe I have nothing to say.

But its like riding a bike. Just start peddling. As long as the fingers keep typing, words would appear. And when the planets align, its magical.

 

I’ve been discovering the newly built recreational areas along the East River. I remember the East River in the 90s and its nothing like today. Riding a bike along the river gave me a sense of tranquility that I’ve never felt before. The City of New York has transformed this piece of forgotten real estate into something wonderful.

 

Feeling the sun on my face, the wind against my body, all of the sudden everything seemed more alive. I awoke to a clarity that only comes when my overstimulated senses block out all that is not within the moment. I smiled the way a five year old does instinctively and without embarrassment.

 

I waved to a group of children out riding their bikes. Yes, that is a dog in my backpack and his name is Gatsby.

Learn to fly

One thing that I’ve wanted to do was to fly a simulator. I don’t have any desire to fly an actual plane, but just to learn how it works.

I purchased Microsoft Flight Simulator X and a Saitek Yolk System.

Here are some annoying things

1) Not enough USB ports on my computer. I’ve resorted to a tiny keyboard/touch pad combo. The game tutorial talks about using the keyboard numberpad which I dont have. Luckily the saitek yolk has at least some of the controls ( view left, right, back ) on the stick.

2) No manual or any reference for the saitek yolk’s buttons. This sucks. I need to discover what each of the buttons do.

3) Graphics suck. Boy its bad. holy crap its bad. $30 spent and I want to go buy X-Plane.

 

What am I missing?

Here are some thoughts and I’ll use this to track my progress.

 

  • Plants. I was at the Royal Botanical Gardens in London recently and found myself unable to identify any plants.
  • Music. I must get to a point in my piano playing so that I can play a song.
  • Learn another language.
  • Dance. I suck at this. Its embarrassing.
  • Sew. I’m discovering that learning to use a sewing machine can make life easier.

Awful person

Met an awful person. Karine.

A few of us went to a networking event. We decided to talk to Karine who was sitting by herself. She was waiting for her friend to show up.

She completely dismissed the rest of us and even Alisa joined in the conversation, she said, “Oh you, my friend would be interested in you. I’ll send him to find you when he arrives.”

We left her alone, were she deserved.

Karine, 1/2 Japanese, 1/2 Peruvian, works in finance, you are a terrible person. Time for self-reflection.