Chuck Lin

Life in a fish bowl

Guilt

For all of Brad’s enthusiasm and collection of photo equipment, he was not a very good photographer. He was not a very good network administrator. He believed in conspiracies. And worst of all he tried to cure his cancer with vitamin B.

I wanted to tell him that he was crazy. Maybe tie him up and force him to get some real medical treatment. Who’s to say which one of us was more in denial? Him in believing that doctors don’t know what they are doing or me believing that there was any hope.

I didn’t know he had cancer when we hired him. I didn’t know he had cancer when his family invested their saving in the failing company. I would have tried to stop him. But that’s Brad, always positive. He came from a family that was positive. Brad’s dad invested the little money he had saved as an electrician into a completely mismanaged start-up. After he signed the check, he came in the office to wire up some equipment. Never seen a guy so happy to be crawling under desk with a screw driver and a flashlight. You’d think he bought the winning lottery ticket.

I know it wasn’t my fault. I didn’t make him any promises. I certainly didn’t suggest that he buy stock in the company. But that doesn’t really lessen the guilt. I was their leader. I didn’t do a very good job protecting them. Lots of people lost money. Some of them can simply write this off. But for some, it was their life savings. The company had spiraled out of control. I had lost any say in what went on from the very beginning. Still, I kept a front.

I really thought I could turn this around. I made some deals and gave up as much as I could to try to fix things. But in the end I lost. I lost my enthusiasm, my best years and nearly my life. But that is nothing compared to what Brad’s family lost. They lost Brad.

So today I thanks these people, and I ask for forgiveness:

Brad, Scott, Jack, Mike, Lorraine, Jenn, Jay, Anthony, TJ, Keith, Estelle, Doreen.

——————————

Brad passed away at 5:12 p.m. Saturday, January 24, 2009. He fought a
long, hard battle with colon cancer for many years. He was 37 years
old.
He was loved so much and will be missed even more.
Sincerely,
Bill and Sherron

Laugh and the world laughs with you

ttractiveness is in the eye of the beholder. For me its all about laughter. If you can laugh out loud in public, I’m an instant fan. Laughing is about opening yourself and letting go. Allowing your feelings to burst out and forget about the stares from other patrons in the restaurant or library. Just live in that moment of bliss.

My second favorite quality is people who can walk up to the elephant in the room and pet it. Recently during a foody one-upmanship, the person I was talking to ended the contest with “but I can eat sugar”. Right On! Don’t be afraid to make fun of the diabetic. It lets me know that you understand me. I don’t take myself seriously neither should you.

All of the best laughs I’ve had came from the group of guys I worked with at MOLI.com. They picked me apart! From all the Mexican jokes, diabetes roulette, heart attack, nothing was sacred. I love those guys.

Just thinking of that crazy bunch puts a smile on my face.

Today I thank:

Anthony, WW the sugar eater, TJ, Jack, Keith

A really nice day

Yesterday Tuesday May 3 was a really nice day. I’m still beaming. Thank You. It’s been a long time since I had that nice of a day. I feel selfish but in the best way.

I learned a song a long time ago and it has always stood by me:

Side by Side

by Harry Woods

We ain’t got a barrel of money,

maybe we’re ragged and funny,

but we’ll travel along,

singing a song,

side by side.

I don’t know what’s coming tomorrow,

maybe its trouble and sorrow,

but we’ll travel the road,

sharing our load,

side by side.

Through all kinds of weather,

what if they sky should fall?

As long as we’re together,

It doesn’t really matter at all.

When they’ve all had their quarrels and parted,

we’ll be the same as we started,

just traveling along,

singing a song,

side by side.

PS. Anthony, if by some chance you are reading this. Don’t worry about the guitar. Trust me, in the grand scheme of things, I’d rather lose 1000 guitars than lose your friendship. It’s just a thang, so ain’t no thang. Somewhere out there some kid is playing it and dreaming of becoming a real guitar hero. Maybe this would be the last thing he stole and the world would be better.

Today I thank:

Wonderwoman,

Anthony,

Joyce,

Momo,

Reefkey