Chuck Lin

Life in a fish bowl

Butterfly

“Have you heard from Lyvia?” asked Bomee.

No. And now I can’t stop wondering what happened to her. She’s one of the few that are not on facebook although my other non-facebook friends still keep in touch via email. I don’t know what happened to Lyvia. So off I go to my old hotmail account. Among the hundreds of unread messages in my account, I find one from her

RE: c pas très drôle mais cela nécessite diffusion‏

From: lyvia ~ (xxxxx@hotmail.com)

Sent: Thu 2/25/10 12:49 PM

To: chucklin@hotmail.com

Hi Chuck!

I am fine. So happy to see spring back. Winter was rude!

You are back in NYC?!? How are you????!!!!

Big hug!

Lyvia

Tag. I’ve been IT since Feb 25. I’m sorry Lyvia, I must give you a more active email address.

Lyvia, The Butterfly. When I met Lyvia, she was the girlfriend of a close friend of mine, V. To know Lyvia, all you really need is to look at a butterfly. She flutters beautifully, never in a straight line. She stops to admire every flower. She is happy, and she is free. I have so many stories of Lyvia, it’s hard to pick one to put down in this blog. I had quite a few adventures with Lyvia as well. There was a trip to Woodstock, a trip to Montreal, and a trip to lockup. Lyvia taught me to be silly, to dance and sing in the streets without care. She smiled constantly and always had a joke, even though I didn’t always understand them.

There is one story of Lyvia that I always replay in my mind when I think of her. Lyvia was there for me when I was at my lowest point, though she barely knew me at the time.

My life is a constant roller coaster, but in late 2002/early 2003 the coaster plummeted straight down into the abyss. New York was devastated by 9-11 terrorist attack and I sunk my savings into an investment that failed miserably. I was completely broke. I was sharing an apartment with Lyvia’s girlfriend but when I couldn’t pay that anymore, I had to move out. I put everything I needed into a laundry cart and walked out into the cold.

Up to this point V had been the world’s longest lasting couch surfer. She’s been staying on my couch for a couple of years. She saved all the money she earned and now she had a little bit of money for her and Lyvia to have the place to themselves. I was angry that she didn’t offer to reciprocate the favor and sad that my life had spiraled out of control.

I felt like a zombie, unable to muster any emotion or expression. Life was just about going through the motions. I was living in the office which did not have heat at night or the weekend. Often it was so cold that I would sleep in the closet with a space heater.

I refused to speak to V, but Lyvia came to visit me daily. I’m not even sure why she did. She barely knew me. I think she came because she saw a person in pain.

So it goes. Everyday she would buzz the door and I would answer. She would come upstairs, sometimes with coffee in hand. I rarely said anything to her. I accepted the company because rejecting her would take too much effort. Lyvia brought over the Xbox and asked to play HALO. I had left the XBox behind because it was a non-essential item that would have taken too much room in my pushcart. Lyvia made all sorts of strange noises and silly faces. She tried every way to get a rise out of me, but I wasn’t able to respond. I was worried that any facial expression might cause my stone facade to crumble.

Finally one day I decided that I would reward Lyvia for her efforts. As she was leaving, I managed to pull back my lips and give her a weak smile.

Lyvia’s face lit up and with her thick Swiss/French accent said “Good. I see you tomorrow”.

Then the roller coaster started moving up again.

Today I thank: Lyvia, Bomee, Altan

Sevilla

Some time ago I traveled to Spain with Bomee and Laura. We called ourselves The Wandering Fools and made some business cards using a printing kiosk. There wasn’t much of a plan, only to see Spain, to taste the food and to listen to the music.

Our first stop was Sevilla. We rented a small apartment from an agency in a location I would never be able to find on a map today. Each morning I woke up early to explore the city while Bomee and Laura slept in. I didn’t venture too far and each time I would pick one direction and retrace my steps. I would return after a couple of hours just in time to share the bounty I picked up during my morning trek.

Toward the end of our week in Sevilla, I decided to take an extended walk. I didn’t have a map, didn’t speak the language but this time I was determined to venture past my comfort zone. I tried to remember the path, 2 blocks, then right, then 3 block, then a left, then 10 blocks, then, then, I was lost.

Instead of feeling panicked, I felt free. I walked around heading towards whatever looked promising, whatever sounded wonderful and anything that smelled good. I wandered aimlessly and for many hours until all of the sudden, I found myself back in front of the apartment.

Today I finally went to take a walk out of my comfort zone. I got lost. But it felt good. Then I found my way home.

Today I thank: Wonder Woman, Bomee, Laura, Anthony, Jason

Got my ball and fish. I drew the Blue Devil once before in a pictogram challenge.